The past few weeks have supposedly been called “offseason” but it’s felt far from that. I’ve had a rollercoaster of emotions lately and it seems to be a perfect theme for the entire season.
I flew down to Venice, FL to qualify for the Final Stage of LPGA Qualifying School (a gruesome series of tournaments that get you on the LPGA Tour.) I took my Phoenix caddy Carl Laib “the Caddy Machine” down with me and knew without a doubt we were the best combination in the tournament. I played well my first and fourth round but the middle rounds were not so pretty. With my second and third round being ugly scores I knew my last round needed to be one or two under par. I was even par as we reached the 17th hole. We needed no worse than par. I ended up making a ridiculous 25 footer to save par and I was pumped! I’m not a fist pumper but in my head I did the biggest fist pump you’d ever seen. I had to hit the fairway on 18 because we needed to dunk it for a 2 or stick it close and make 3. I would have never gone for this pin because of poor choices in the past on this very hole but I didn’t have an option. I had to go right at it if I wanted to keep my journey of LPGA going this year. The green is covered with water in front and all right of it. The pin was tucked just behind a bunker and on the right edge of the green. From the fairway we had 160 yards to the pin with a slight breeze behind us. 7 iron it was. I stuck it pin high, just right of the flag about 7 feet away. I read the putt to break about a ball from right to left, Carl saw much less break. I told him there is no way I’m leaving this ball on the low side so I stuck to my read. ...lip out… First lip out in 72 holes. Any amount of adrenaline I had in me was gone in one second. I knew I had missed the cut of making it to the Final Stage for my third year in a row. How does that happen? I’m a much better player than I was a year ago. I had a veteran caddy who has won ungodly amounts of LPGA majors and tournaments. I never took one week off on the LPGA Futures Tour schedule this year. I have given too much time and dedication to this game and that’s what I earned…a missed cut? Season was over. I had nothing to work towards for the next few months.
My caddy and I were the saddest looking puppies you’d ever seen. We had lunch afterwards and he mentioned that I still had a chance at getting in to Final Stage as an alternate. The LPGA wanted a full field of 144 players at Final Stage this year and all I could do was wait it out for 3 weeks. From past experience of being an alternate, nothing positive has come from it so I put the thought of me making it into the field into the very back of my mind.
A few Fridays ago, I met Carl at 6am at a course I was playing for the Cactus Tour. We went around and made notes for the course instead of playing a practice round. When we got to the 18th hole, LPGA Headquarters called me. I started jumping up and down when they asked me if I would be interested in signing up for Final Stage because the field hadn’t filled. YOU BETCHA!!!
Carl and I were the happiest puppies you’d ever seen. Wow. Thank you dear baby Jesus. No sympathy needed here but this has been one of the hardest years in my personal life and I was tired of remaining positive about my game when the results were not showing my hard work. I took two full weeks off from the game after 2nd stage and had no desire to touch my clubs. I took up hiking by myself and have discovered a new hobby. I love it. I love the peace of it all. The sounds. The quietness. Golfers reflect a lot and I did a lot right after my Q School experience in Venice.
I drove down to Miami to visit my best friend Caitlan. Thankfully she took my mind off of golf but when she had to work and I laid on the beach for a few days, that’s all I could think of:
Will I ever arrive? Will I just always be an underachiever? Why am I playing this game and giving it all of me? For money? Fame? Life can get out of focus quickly for golfers but I have learned so much about myself and life this year. One thing I learned this year was that by living on the road, out of my Jeep, I could care less if I lose all of my belongings tomorrow, it’s not important. I used to think the worst thing in the world would be if my house burnt down and I lost everything. None of it’s important and a bad golf round isn’t important in the big scheme of things. I want to be able to pay it forward, help others like so many have done for me. I want my life to be more than just being known as a golfer. I love my God. I love hard. I appreciate. I care. I live.
I’m so thankful for the second chance at Q School this year. I’ve got two more tournaments in Phoenix to work on my game before heading back down to Florida for five awesome rounds and who knows, I might earn my LPGA Tour Card coming in as an alternate!
Third times a charm???
The greatest difficulties of life offer us our greatest opportunities to trust. – Tom Holladay
